Sad Love (Blue Valley #3) Read online

  Contents

  Sad Love Playlist

  Foreword

  To The Reader

  The Blue Valley Series

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty One

  Chapter Twenty Two

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Chapter Twenty Four

  Chapter Twenty Five

  Chapter Twenty Six

  Chapter Twenty Seven

  Chapter Twenty Eight

  Chapter Twenty Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty One

  Chapter Thirty Two

  Chapter Thirty Three

  Chapter Thirty Four

  Chapter Thirty Five

  Chapter Thirty Six

  Chapter Thirty Seven

  Chapter Thirty Eight

  Chapter Thirty Nine

  Chapter Forty

  Chapter Forty One

  Chapter Forty Two

  Chapter Forty Three

  Chapter Forty Four

  Chapter Forty Five

  Chapter Forty Six

  Chapter Forty Seven

  Chapter Forty Eight

  Chapter Forty Nine

  Chapter Fifty

  Chapter Fifty One

  Chapter Fifty Two

  Books by MJ Fields

  About the Author

  Thank you

  Copyright © 2021 by MJ Fields

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imaginations. Any resemblance to actual persons, things, living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental.

  Sad Love Playlist

  You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette

  Zombie - The Cranberries

  Waterfalls - TLC

  Ironic - Alanis Morissette

  Name - Go Goo Dolls

  Bitch - Meredith Brooks

  Havana - Kenny G

  Hook - Blues Traveler

  Breakfast At Tiffany - Deep Blue Something

  Dancing Queen - ABBA

  Eternal Flame - The Bangles

  I’ll Be Missing You - Diddy, Faith Evans

  Foolish Game - Jewel

  The Freshman - The Verve Pipe

  How Do I Live - LeAnn Rimes

  Hurt - Johnny Cash

  Don’t Speak - No Doubt

  Foreword

  The Blue Valley series is not your typical love story. It is a journey through one’s past … maybe even a story resembling someone close to you.

  It’s our story.

  Welcome to the college years …

  Love has not been easy for Tessa Ross and Lucas Links, but they have managed to overcome situations that so many others in their lives haven’t.

  And through all of their difficulties, neither have ever denied the love they have for one another. But sometimes love isn’t enough …

  What new joys, pains, and decisions will they make as they take their first steps into adulthood?

  This is love, not a fairy tale.

  Warning: Highly Emotional!

  This book contains volatile characters in real-life situations that may be triggers to some readers.

  PLEASE NOTE: this series was previously released as The Love series (MJ's very first works) and has been through a complete rewrite, which consists of a change from narrative to first person/ dual POV and forty thousand words worth of new content.

  To The Reader

  PLEASE NOTE:

  This series was previously released as The Love series (MJ's very first works released in 2012-2013) and has been through a complete rewrite, which consists of a change from narrative to first person/ dual POV and forty thousand words worth of new content.

  Warning: Highly Emotional!

  This book contains volatile characters in real-life situations that may be triggers to some readers.

  The Blue Valley Series

  Must be read in order

  Blue Love

  New Love

  Sad Love

  True Love

  Chapter One

  Standing back, I admire our work in preparing for little TJ’s shower. The house looks beautiful. Tan and blue baby shower decorations hang from the ceilings, and the same color balloons float in every corner or empty space in the house of firsts.

  Jade and Ryan’s house, I remind myself.

  I look at my watch. One hour until everyone will be here, when he will be here. Phoebe and Cassidy are putting the last of the balloons on the mailbox, just in case someone doesn’t know where they live, but everyone does.

  For self-torture and to test my strength, I walk up the stairs and take a deep breath as I turn his doorknob. His room remains the same, and it smells like him. I stand frozen momentarily, letting his scent waft through me. I miss it. I miss it so much.

  I look beside me at the dresser, the one I hit my face on less than a year ago, and see that one of his many previously displayed photos are still gone, and in their place is more of … us.

  I dread seeing him again, but still, the thought of never seeing him again is unbearable.

  Jade put my things up here, in his room, and almost cried when she realized what she had done, so I told her it wasn’t a big deal at all, even though it is. I also told her that I know how the shower works, making a joke out of it, and said I’ll get ready in here when the time came.

  So, that’s what I do. I head to the bathroom and remove my clothes, as I have a hundred times before, and step into his shower, one that I have bathed in, showered in, and had copious amounts of sex in, and turn on the water.

  I try to focus on the water pressure—it’s always so much better than ours at home—and the hot water pouring down and over me, but thoughts, memories, they’re embedded in my brain, so vivid and so real that I can imagine his hands caressing me and mine him. I tried to believe it would be okay, but right now, I know it is still too soon to be face-to-face with the boy who once professed to love me, the boy who I without a doubt loved, still do, and it sickens me. I can still see his face, and …

  “No,” I tell myself, or rather my sick heart.

  I grab one of the many plush towels from the rack then towel off my hair, hair that is different, I made sure of that when I got four inches cut from it and intensified the summer highlights with chemicals, a quick fix to change … or so I thought. I then wrap it like a childhood blanket around my body that has also changed due the inability to eat without feeling sick, and the two, sometimes three runs a day needed to tire my body in hopes that my mind will do the same. Sometimes it works, but more times than that, it fails me. Then I walk out into his room.

  I look at the bed, wanting to sit, but all I see is the place he took what I damn near begged him to take —my innocence. To be fair, it was gone long before that. It was
gone the second my lips touched his and I saw what it did to his eyes. Like a season, they changed, and with it, so did I.

  Fighting the urge to curl up in that same bed that makes me think of how stupid I was, because it was also the last place I had a decent nights’ sleep, I drop the towel, allowing this room to see my body, its change, its sickness, and then I put on my bra and panties, grab my toiletry bag, and hit the bathroom again.

  Once done primping, I walk out, grab my pale green dress, and then I jump when I see Lucas standing in his closet, pulling on his boxer briefs.

  “Oh, I … I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d be here yet.” I stumble over my words as I make quick work of pulling on my dress and fighting the zipper.

  Pants on, he walks out of his closet. “Tessa, you look amazing,” he whispers as he walks over and pulls the zipper to my dress the rest of the way up.

  As soon as his finger touches my skin, millions of tiny little goosebumps appear and my back arches.

  I clear my throat. “Thanks,” and step away from him. I then grab my belongings and start to walk out of his room.

  He lightly touches my arm, bringing me to a stop. “You can get ready in here. I’ll leave.”

  Before I can say no, he grabs his shirt and walks out, closing the door behind him.

  Okay, get it together. You can do this. See? It’s fine.

  I fluff my hair, recheck my makeup, then leave his room, looking back reflectively and saying goodbye before shutting the door to my past, promising to begin looking toward a future, one where I am to face Lucas on occasion, hide my hurt, and look forward to helping others heal.

  At the bottom of the stairs, the first person I see is Molly. I wrap her up in a hug and whisper, “Are you telling anyone yet?”

  Molly smiles and rubs a hand over her still flat belly. “This is Jade’s day—tomorrow.”

  “Good,” I whisper. “Because if I dare say so myself, I know how to put a shower together.”

  Molly and I head outside into the backyard, where I see Landon, Audrianna, and the girls walk in through the gate. Ally and Alexandra run up to me and throw hugs at me. I catch them.

  Stepping back, I look them over and gush, “Princesses, you have both grown.”

  Grinning, they jump up and down and ask, “Where’s Lucas?”

  “I’m not sure, but I know he’s here somewhere.”

  “Help us find him.” Ally jumps in my arms, and I catch her. Then Alexandra grabs my hand and drags me back into the house.

  When we walk in, Lucas is standing in the kitchen, smiling. “Three beautiful princesses.”

  Ally jumps down and runs into his arms.

  “Group hug.” Alexandra pulls me with her.

  For them, I play along. “Sounds fun.”

  “Thank you,” Lucas whispers in my ear.

  “All right, I have to excuse myself. A host’s job is never done.” I curtsy before making my escape.

  I grab a vegetable tray and the bag of hamburger patties to bring to Dad and Uncle Jack, who are manning the grill. After that, I stand back and literally hug myself to hold it together.

  Smiling, Audrianna walks toward me, holding out her hand. “Can I steal you away for a minute?”

  When she wraps her hand around mine, I want to cry. But I don’t. I follow her back into the house and to living room.

  “Tessa, how are you?”

  “Fine, thank you. How are you?” I ask politely.

  “I’m good.” She nods then whispers, “Tessa, I know what happened with you and Lucas, and I’m sorry.”

  “Well … me, too.”

  “Is there a way to get past this? He loves you,” Audrianna offers.

  “Well, I love him very much, too, but I just can’t keep doing this to myself, or to him. We both need to move forward.”

  My words are more self-talk than an answer. An affirmation that I have repeated to myself several times in the past few weeks.

  Landon walks into the room, and I jerk toward his voice.

  “He screwed up, Tessa, and he’s nineteen. He’s skipping classes and not playing to his potential. My son is a mess.”

  “With all due respect, Landon, I’m nineteen and not his parent.” I start to walk out.

  “Tessa, please sit. Landon, enough,” Audrianna says firmly.

  “Audrianna, he loves this girl and has proved that by the way he has changed this past year. Now he’s slipping and screwing up the biggest chance he’ll ever had. Only one he’ll ever get. I don’t feel like it’s too much to ask,” Landon states. “She has stuck by him through much worse. If she loves him, this should be a non-issue. He gets through this, and she won’t have a thing to worry about ever.”

  “Landon,” Audrianna scolds.

  “I wasn’t raised that way. Nice seeing you both.” The words are bitter in my mouth as I walk out of the room.

  Lucas walks into the house and gives me a guarded, forced smile, and weakness weeps from my eyes.

  I turn and hurry up the stairs.

  Needing to be alone, I open the door to the room that I just said goodbye to, the one I am now seeking some twisted kind of comfort in. I sit on the bed, grab a pillow, and bury my face in it, realizing there is no hope whatsoever for Lucas with a father like that, one who seriously said, “I won’t have a thing to worry about ever,” and I wonder how the hell he figures that. Look at Kate, look how he messed with her all these years, what it did to her, and the pawn he used was the owner of this house of firsts—his own son.

  “Tessa, are you okay?”

  I look up and see Lucas in the doorway—the pawn—and shake my head. He has no right to my niceties, but seriously, what the hell did I expect?

  “What’s wrong, baby?”

  “I’m fine.” I look down. “I’ll be out of here in just a minute.”

  He sits beside me and wraps an arm around me.

  “Please don’t touch me, Lucas.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you can’t.”

  “I’m sorry,” he whispers, pulling me closer.

  And my sick, twisted heart follows my weak, fucked up need for comfort, as I lean against him, stealing that from him.

  “What are you two doing?” Jade asks, looking happy, truly happy.

  I know this is hard for her. I do. I want to make it easier—she deserves that—but being here is crushing me, and I can recover from that. What she’s hoping? It cannot happen.

  I stand up. “Sorry. Is it time for gifts?”

  “Sure.” Jade nods.

  I squeeze her hand as I pass, and then I hear her walk toward him and say, “Come on, Lucas.”

  When we walk outside, Audrianna looks at me apologetically. Then, once Lucas is no longer behind me, she approaches.

  I whisper so no one else hears me but her, “I didn’t tell Lucas anything Landon said, but you can tell Landon that I think he’s a jackass, and I do care for his son, but that’s not enough. Maybe Landon could get over himself long enough to realize that it’s not my job to parent him.”

  “That’s not what I was trying to do,” she whispers back.

  “I know, but he was.”

  Sitting next to Jade, notebook in hand, I write down all the information for the thank-you notes as she opens dozens of gifts for little TJ. When it’s something to do with sports, she whispers to me that Tommy would love this, and my heart aches for her, and for Lucas, who is watching from a distance.

  Once cake is served, our older relatives leave, as is typical of showers in our family. Then, within an hour, the place is empty.

  Jade and I are in the kitchen, opening packages, and she’s gushing, as am I—the baby gear is completely adorable—as Lucas and Ryan carry all the larger items up the stairs to the nursery.

  “Let me get these bottles washed,” I say as I start the dishwater. “You get those feet up.”

  A few minutes later, Lucas is beside me. “There’s a dishwasher, Tessa.”

  “And it’s full.
Wash your hands and give these to Jade to sterilize?” I hand him a dishtowel.

  Lucas does as asked gladly.

  Since Jade is the youngest of three, though her two brothers—twins—died in a car accident a few years back, and I have two younger siblings and always loved helping Mom care for them, I am way more versed in baby things. So, when she gets frustrated with the new sterilizer, I step in and show her how it works and how the bottles go together.

  “So, only the parts that touch his mouth need to be sterilized, like the nipple and nipple ring,” I explain.

  Lucas, who is now unloading the dishwasher, drops a plate, breaking it.

  “Sorry,” he says uncomfortably. “I’ll replace that.”

  Jade laughs while I continue, “I wouldn’t open the packages of nipples yet, because you’re breastfeeding.”

  Lucas mumbles something under his breath.

  “Everything okay, Lucas?” Jade asks, amused.

  He shakes his head as he wipes the floor with a wet paper towel to get all the little pieces that he may have missed with the broom then returns to unloading.